New Video: Alternative Media Smackdown

I’m on YouTube, it was only a matter of time.   I've posted my dubious return to the stage in the videos section.

Two weeks ago, I represented Chicagoist in a Slam-Put-Down-Insult-Local-Alternative-Media-Tournament.  Whatever the hell you want to call it, it was comedy troupe Schadenfreude’s excuse for bloggers and journalists to artfully insult each other, kind of like a schoolyard fight or that MTV show with Wilmer Valderamma.  

Background on the players, for our non-Chicago readers:

Chicagoist: a blog, to which I contribute, publishing Chicago centric news, events and interviews. Our food writer Caroline and I, their culture writer, represented them.

Time Out Chicago: weekly entertainment magazine spun off of Time Out London and Time Out New York. Motto: “If you're bored, it's not our fault.”

Gapers Block: a web publication “providing information on news and events around town.” The name is a regional term for rubbernecking.

Chicago Reader: granddaddy of local alternative publications, a weekly broadsheet established in the early 70s. They also have a large staff and, bureaucratically, resemble an old media outlet.

My recap in Chicagoist covers the basics—we beat Timeout, then lost to The Reader in the final round. A few other notes:

Schadenfreude’s Justin K. talked me into this.  I was apprehensive at first and didn't have a partner until the night before. I wrote our material and handed the funniest lines off to Caroline, who has great comic timing and is the queen of “your mom” jokes.

Word around the bar was that The Reader brought a ringer. Where other teams sent prominent representatives, The Reader sent a marketing staffer and a freelancer who happens to be an actor. I’d seen him play God in a Neo-Futurist show.  Lots of Reader staffers showed up, one carrying a company banner. That said, the crowd applause was closely split between us and them.  Watch the video and decide for yourself. 

The video makes me seem angry, but that’s for show.  I was having a lot of fun. And I’m not bitter about losing.  We overachieved, people liked us… they really, really liked us!!  Some of them thought we were robbed.

Team Chicagoist went to an after party with Team Time Out Chicago, Andrew from Gapers Block, and mutual friends.  Team Reader declined the invitation.  Read into that as you will.

The 4-minute version leaves out so much and I’ve promised to post our putdowns, so here they are:

Time Out

Our opponents were Comedy Editor Steve Heisler and Web Editor Scott Smith. The second joke bombed, but we ended with a bang.

Caroline: You’ve gotta admire Time Out’s marketing.  We’ve seen their ads everywhere: on billboards, city buses, on taxi cabs… it’s pretty remarkable. 

Justin: But it’s false advertising, Steve—‘cause when I read the Comedy section, my boredom is your fault.

You guys think you’re pretty great?  I guess any magazine that uses a six star rating scale instead of four must have an inflated sense of itself.

Timeout built its subscription base by giving away magazines: 4 free issues, then they gave away a year’s free subscription, then that wasn’t enough so they offered 2 years free subscriptions. Damn Scott, even your mom’s not that easy!

Reader

If you think these sound mean, you should’ve heard what they said about us.

Justin: Any Reader staff here?  Yes?  OK. We’ll have to speak slowly. 
Caroline: (Spoken very slowly) After all, it took you guys 3 or 4 years to figure out how a blog works.

Justin: You know, I don’t always ‘get’ The Reader. I don’t always feel like they’re speaking to me.
Caroline: That’s ok, eventually you’ll be in their core demographic. 
Justin: True, true… Of course by then I’ll be collecting Social Security!

We really appreciate the Reader’s Missed Connections (I Saw You) section.  It helps get people back together.  In fact, we think you should take out a Missed Connections (I Saw You) ad to win back your declining readership.

And because our mic screwed up, we got to go again…

Your insults are like your cover stories: ten times longer than they need to be and only a fifth as informative.